I consult for a living. I build applications using whatever tools are necessary - Excel, VB, Access, C++, HTML, Perl - whatever the job requires. If I can't do the work quickly and efficiently, there is someone else on my team who can. I specialize in evaluating business environments and devising optimal solutions that enable my customers to realize or exceed their expectations. I also design user interfaces that effectively provide intuitive faces on all types of software and web applications.
Contact me if you need serious help with real problems: sales at zorvek period com. These companies have: Gap, Chevron-Texaco, Informatica, salesforce.com, Axioma, Veritas Software, Intero Real Estate, Message One, Cognitive Investments, Dealer One, and America First Marketing.
If you have trouble getting through with the email address above then try zorvek at gmail period com.
If you want to donate to my humble existence: kjones-paypal at zorvek dot com.
Looking for that elusive October 2001 MSDN disk? I might be able to help. zorvek at gmail period com.
My name is Kevin Jones. I don't understand why people feel the need to hide their identity and why Experts Exchange has decided not to list our names in our profiles. I stand by everything I post on this and any other web site. I take full responsibility for the knowledge and information I publish and I am not afraid of any resulting consequences. My name is Kevin and I sign every post as such.
Now a word about the certifications above. I tried for years to only earn points in Excel. It was a silly objective but one I enjoyed. Keeping myself clean was how I thought of it. In February of 2007 Experts Exchange decided that cross posting questions in multiple zones was a good idea - I'm not judging that decision negatively or positively, it just happened - and I started accumulating points in all kinds of zones - zones I have never been in, had no desire to be in, and had no business being in. Microsoft Applications and General Office Suite Software go along with Excel so I can accept those certifications. And I actually do try to score a few points now and then in Visual Basic Programming when the Excel zone is slow. But, for the record, I have no expertise in Microsoft Operating Systems (other than reinstalling them every six months when they start crapping on my carpet), VB Script, or Server. The T-shirts are nice though.
Experts-Exchange Milestones:
I earned some points today. Well, I tried anyway...Rory got the rest.
Experts-Exchange Goals:
Converse with Nigel on Messenger...never mind...how about just see Nigel answer a question again :-(
See Harish get married...where the hell did Harish go, anyway? Harish?
Teach Matt how to indent...hopeless...he'll quit smoking before he indents.
Find out where Shane went...wait, he's back, no...he's gone again...I sat next to him on a bus at the MVP Summit!!!
Convince Jaes to get a haircut - I think he did but I need proof...Found it:
http://www.nycswim.org/Resource/ShowPhoto.aspx?Picture_ID=6531See Jefferey's tool hit the market. I think it did.
Visit Sal in Italy.
Reach the Savant certification level in Excel before getting kicked out of the house.
Receive something other than points or a T-shirt...then again there is the fan mail...
Fan Mail:
http:Q_21962391.html#a17362613 "You guys saved my bacon on this project, THANKS!"
http:Q_21966131.html#a17384329 "YEAH YES INDEED..........I'll never let my subscription to the site lapse again"
http:Q_21967539.html#a17390782 "Me one happy bunny now....!"
http:Q_21987040.html#a17507239 "I love you!...Not to be gay or anything... Haha"
http:Q_21994047.html#a17547985 "Kevin, you are God!"
http:Q_22014688.html#a17672545 "Absolute Perfection!!!"
http:Q_22012642.html#a17675067 "BRILLIANT!!! It's wonderfully stable and faster, thanks a LOT!"
http:Q_22019709.html#a17702035 "How the hell did you answer me so fast?!!!"
http:Q_22021426.html#a17711837 "WoW Ho. You're the best. Thanks for the quick help!"
http:Q_22028172.html#a17753291 "Ohhhhh YEAH!! That's exactly what I was talking about - Thank you so much. You rock!"
http:Q_22048616.html#a17871731 "Holy Crap - I hope you just had that lying around and didn't code it up for me! That is absolutely incredible!"
http:Q_22101183.html#a18184506 "Brilliant. I shall name my next born child "Kevin"."
http:Q_22116601.html#a18284118 "This is so much better and more info than from MSDN."
http:Q_22119398.html#a18295779 "OH MY GAWD... KEVIN, THANK YOU! You are a Experts-Exchange GENIUS! How much I love you I cannot explain. Bless your beautiful mind. :)"
http:Q_22124693.html#a18327643 "I am speechless. It is such a pleasure to read your masterful code pieces. You may qualify as VBA Mozart."
http:Q_22138895.html#a18410107 "Works! Thanks.... you are awesome at this stuff."
http:Q_22141527.html#a18424830 "You are a god. :-)"
http:Q_22396713.html#a18558926 "Man, you make it look oh so simple."
http:Q_22480587.html#a18818193 "YOU ARE AWESOME! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"
http:Q_22568687.html#a19079635 "THX! ha ya, you're just too awesome at this program"
http:Q_22631575.html#a19275910 "Peachy. That last one works perfectly. When you have no more use for your brain - mail it to me!!!"
http:Q_22674327.html#a19424879 "Nothing personal, but I love you man!"
http:Q_23293282.html#a21284287 "THAT'S IT!!! You rock!! This is SO much easier than my first idea ... thank you!"
http:Q_23306053.html#a21316127 "That is BRILLIANT!!! Thank you Kevin."
http:Q_23356685.html#a21448538 "I love you, I love you. I love you. Thank you so much. :)"
http:Q_23503931.html#a21838908 "This is fascinating...kind a metaphysical existence...if Issac Asimov would still be alive...this piece of code it would sparked an idea for a science fiction novel"
http:Q_23634779.html#a22195651 "zorvek, once more I am in awe of your mad skills :)"
http:Q_23639198.html#a22214583 "You are so totally awesome. That works perfectly."
Accolades:
http:Q_21153244.html - Breaking into the Excel top 10 list on 10.1.2004
http:Q_21167757.html - Reaching Guru certification level in Excel on 10.13.2004
http:Q_21214389.html - Reaching Wizard certification level in Excel on 11.20.2004
http:Q_21249169.html - Reaching Sage certification level in Excel on 12.20.2004
http:Q_21453373.html - Reaching Genius certification level in Excel on 6.9.2005
http:Q_21644455.html - Reaching second Genius certification level on 11.27.2005
http:Q_21856343.html - Reaching third Genius certification level on 5.18.2006
http:Q_22036003.html - Reaching fourth Genius certification level on 10.24.2006
http:Q_22158757.html - Reaching fifth Genius certification level on 2.11.2007
Trivia:
www.experts-exchange.com was originally
www.expertsexchange.com.
Riddles:
Question: How many Experts does it take to write an Excel formula?
Answer: Post a question asking for one in the Excel zone - the easier the better, ignore it for a few hours or a week, and then tabulate the fun.
Question: How do you know when you have been using Excel for too long?
Answer: When someone says to you "FU2" and you think they are referring to a cell.
[Courtesy of Mr. Tim Zych, author of Workbook Compare
http://www.higherdata.com ]
Quotes:
http:Q_23509410.html#a21851394: "It's not the size of the formula, it's how you enter it that counts.", rorya
Questions:
What happened to Jay XP310 Gustafson?
Anyone still think sandramac is a girl? Actually, she is. She is married to the dude who uses her account.
Do you know who nominated me Douche of the Year?
